Giving Difficult Feedback

Why difficult conversations don’t happen (and why that matters)

In organisations, managers are routinely expected to lead with clarity, uphold standards, and address issues early. Yet when it comes to difficult conversations, whether with a direct report, a peer, or even their own manager, many hesitate. Not because they don’t care, but because they talk themselves out of it.

Avoidance feels the easier option in the moment. But what is not said often causes more damage than what is said. Silence allows underperformance, misalignment, and frustration quietly and steadily grow.  

From a HR perspective, this is not just a communication issue; it’s a capability gap with cultural, operational, and financial consequences.

Why do managers avoid difficult conversations?

Common patterns emerge when managers explain why they didn’t address an issue:

1. Fear of damaging relationships or being disliked.

2. Concern about emotional reactions or conflict escalation.

3. Lack of confidence in how to structure the conversation.

4. Worry about saying the “wrong thing” or being misunderstood.

5. Overthinking and trying to find the “perfect moment.”

6. Assuming the issue will resolve itself over time.

7. Personal discomfort with disharmony and confrontation.

8. Confusion between being “nice” and being effective.

9. Lack of clarity on expectations or organisational standards.

10. Previous negative experiences with similar conversations.

These are human responses, but they are not harmless. Left unchecked, they create inconsistency, reduce accountability, and erode trust.

Why these conversations must happen

For the manager:

Avoidance undermines leadership credibility. Managers are trusted to communicate proactively and represent the organisation - not just themselves. Addressing issues on behalf of the organisation clearly builds authority, confidence, respect and boundaries.

For the recipient:

Clarity is a form of respect. Without it, individuals are left guessing, repeating mistakes, or missing opportunities to improve. Direct, well-framed feedback enables growth and fairness.  The recipient may be oblivious to the issue which exists.  And will remain so if the manager doesn’t proactively communicate with them.

For the organisation:

Unaddressed issues become systemic risks. Standards slip, performance varies, and cultural alignment weakens. Clear communication protects business outcomes and reinforces standards and expectations.

Reframing the role of the manager

Managers are not simply delivering personal opinions.  They are communicating on behalf of the organisation.

That means:

1. Focusing on business standards, boundaries, and expectations.

2. Prioritising clarity over personal comfort.

3. Being precise about what needs to change/improve and why.

4. Thinking less about “What do I want to say?” and more about “What does my counterpart most need to understand?”

A useful shift is to begin with the end in mind:

For the organisation, what outcome is required? What value will be realised? What will stop or start happening as a result?

Two communication models which prove extremely useful for planning and facilitating a difficult conversation are included on the below.

Difficult Conversation Framework 1: The CLEAR Outcome Model

A practical, emotionally intelligent structure to guide difficult conversations.

C – Clarify the outcome
What needs to be different after this conversation? Be specific about the behavioural, communication, conduct or performance shift required.

L – Link to business impact
Explain why this matters. What are the risks (personal & organisational) if nothing changes? What are the (personal & organisational) benefits if it does?

E – Evidence and examples
Share concise, factual observations. Avoid generalisations; focus on specific instances.  Use data where appropriate.

A – Ask for alignment
Engage the other person. Invite their perspective while maintaining clarity on business and  your own expectations as Manager.

R – Request and reinforce action
State precisely what needs to happen next, by when, and how progress and success will be measured.

Example:
Instead of saying, “You need to improve communication in client meetings.” say:
“In client meetings over the past two weeks, you didn’t share key progress updates, which risks losing client confidence. From today, you need to provide a structured update in each meeting, covering X, Y, and Z. Please will you do that from today?”

Framework 2: The BRAVE Conversation Structure

Designed to reduce hesitation and increase confidence.

B – Business context first
Anchor the conversation in organisational standards and expectations, not personal preference.

R – Risks and results
Clearly outline what is at stake. What happens if nothing changes? What improves if it does?  

A – Absolute clarity of message
Use a “less is more” approach. Strip out unnecessary detail and focus on what truly matters.

V – Verify understanding
Check that your counterpart understands the message and expectations.

E – Explicit call to action
Define the next steps, ownership, and timeline.

Example:

“This isn’t about preference.  It’s about ensuring consistent delivery standards. If deadlines continue to slip, it impacts team output and client trust. From now on, all deliverables need to be submitted 24 hours in advance for review. Please confirm your understanding, and that you’ll implement this starting today.”

Making difficult conversations easier (and more effective)

Using a proven framework reduces uncertainty. It gives managers a structure to rely on, which in turn reduces emotional friction.

Importantly, once a manager experiences a difficult conversation that goes well - clear, calm, and constructive - they are far more likely to step towards, rather than away from, future conversations.

The goal is not to eliminate discomfort entirely. It’s to make the process manageable, repeatable, and aligned with business outcomes.

A note for HR Directors

There is a clear opportunity to strengthen organisational capability by equipping managers with practical, repeatable communication frameworks.

When managers consistently:

1. Communicate on behalf of the organisation.

2. Focus on outcomes and standards.

3. Deliver clear, precise messages.

4. Act early rather than late.

…you create a culture of accountability, clarity, and trust.

This is easier said than done.  But, with the right support, it can be easily done.

How Summit can support

Summit provides tailored communication skills training designed specifically for managers navigating real-world challenges. 

Programmes focus on practical application, helping managers build confidence, structure conversations effectively, and deliver messages with clarity and emotional intelligence.

If you’re looking to strengthen how your managers handle difficult conversations across your organisation, you’re welcome to get in touch.